After living in a place I was so familiar with for over 20 years, and then picking up and moving. I have found in the last few months I have come to a crossroad that I have to eventually come to terms with.
It's easy to find things you love in a new place, new surroundings, new friends. Eventually it starts to wear on you, and you begin to realize that maybe what you left behind was worth more to you then the reasons you left in the first place.
After our first three months here in California, so many good things have happened to us. I have met some wonderful people, even made a few friends, but in regards to my family, it has not made us happier like we originally thought. We assumed a new enviorment would give us a fresh start, but have learned that with the economy that is not the easiest to do.
With my husband still struggling to find work somewhere in the tech industry, living in a city that is oil based with no tech jobs in sight, we just might have to reconsider our decision.
Should we go back to Portland? Stay here and see if it works out in the next few months, being miserable? I probably should not be post something this personal on my blog, but today I really needed to say it out loud. And you know that whole misery loves company thing is true. I miss my friends, the comfort of knowing what would happen everyday, my family, all of the things that made me feel like I was my own person and not a puppet in someones else's world.
I understand that the holidays make people more emotional then normal, and maybe I will get past this, but right now I just want to move back home with everything that made me who I am. Today I feel like a stranger in my own world.