Friday, December 17, 2010

What would you do?

After living in a place I was so familiar with for over 20 years, and then picking up and moving. I have found in the last few months I have come to a crossroad that I have to eventually come to terms with.

It's easy to find things you love in a new place, new surroundings, new friends. Eventually it starts to wear on you, and you begin to realize that maybe what you left behind was worth more to you then the reasons you left in the first place.

After our first three months here in California, so many good things have happened to us. I have met some wonderful people, even made a few friends, but in regards to my family, it has not made us happier like we originally thought. We assumed a new enviorment would give us a fresh start, but have learned that with the economy that is not the easiest to do.

With my husband still struggling to find work somewhere in the tech industry, living in a city that is oil based with no tech jobs in sight, we just might have to reconsider our decision.

Should we go back to Portland? Stay here and see if it works out in the next few months, being miserable? I probably should not be post something this personal on my blog, but today I really needed to say it out loud. And you know that whole misery loves company thing is true.  I miss my friends, the comfort of knowing what would happen everyday, my family, all of the things that made me feel like I was my own person and not a puppet in someones else's world.

I understand that the holidays make people more emotional then normal, and maybe I will get past this, but right now I just want to move back home with everything that made me who I am. Today I feel like a stranger in my own world.

30 comments:

  1. I pray that you and your husband will have wisdom on what to do. It can be really hard to be away from friends and family especially near the holidays.

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  2. Terri I can only imagine how you must feel. I don't know how I could deal, especially with a little one, with none of my family or trusted old friends around. It sounds like you and your guy need to sit down and really weigh all the pros and cons of the situation, really listening to your hearts. I hope the best for you and know that you'll come to the right decision for you and your family. Hugs!

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  3. oh Terri - praying you guys are able to come to a decision and that you'll have wisdom on what to do and that ultimately it will be the right decision for you all - you are in my prayers!!

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  4. I have always said you should give yourself 6 months before you decide - If you are still really sad after 6 months, you will know what to do. It is especially hard during holidays, so lots of good/happy thoughts are coming your way from me.

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  5. I will say that after moving countless times in my married life, that it always takes time to adjust. It takes a good year to feel at home and comfortable in a place. Usually when I become really familiar and at home in a place we move. I do know that family is so important.... What a tough decision. I say, go where the money is...where work is for your husband.

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  6. I was going to say exactly the same thing as Barb. I've moved 17 times (it'll be 18 in another year or so). It does take time to adjust, but if the money situation is causing problem in your family, go where the money is. As long as you have your family, you'll be happy wherever you move. Taking the economics out of the equation will enable you to really appreciate somewhere new.

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  7. Poor girl! I have been thinking of you wondering how you were doing. Let me know if want to come over for a visit! My kids are out of school and no obligations next week. We would love to have you and Sophie over for some Christmas cheer.

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  8. I do hope that you will be thinking it over carefully before you decide. You both have to be happy over what you do. May god guide you to take the correct decision.

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  9. I hope you can find what will really work for you and your husband and will soon be happy and at peace.

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  10. I know you are in a difficult time right now, but before you make any decisions you need to give yourself/your husband some time. Not necessarily to adjust to where you are, but to decide what you both need in your life financially and emotionally. I wish you both Peace and Happiness in the coming year.

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  11. What made you move in the first place if it was for a job, then you might want to give it some more time. Do you have the funds to live for 6 more months without a job. Whatever you decide talk to your family and loved ones. See what you both really want out of life. Money is nice but family is wonderful. Maybe somewhere not to far from family will be the place for a job and a life. Get through the holidays and then look things over again.

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  12. Good-luck, I have never moved out of California, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to settle into a new place.

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  13. It has to be really tough with the economy the way it is - especially in California. I am sure change does take time to make the necessary adjustments both mentally and physically. I pray that your husband will find a job and that you will have the wisdom to make the right choices.

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  14. Terri, I'm so glad you called today. I have been thinking about you so much lately and wondering how you are doing. Please be assured that your PDX peeps love and miss you, always have your back, and support you near or afar.

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  15. This may seem like a very random comment, but my ex-husband works for F5 Networks in Seattle. They are doing great and, last I heard, hiring a lot. Maybe that's a place he could look for work?

    And aside from that, sometimes it's so hard to know what truly is most important. And sometimes, it's like that song that says, "you don't know what you've got till it's gone." Isn't that a song lyric? It's probably too old a song for you because you're young, but you get the gist.

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  16. Terri, there is some great advice here in the comments, sometimes the best thing to do is do nothing at all. However, that said, look at the deep reasons why you chose to move, not a decision I'm sure you took lighlty, take the time you need to truely know your hearts desire. And your're are right, it's a funny time of year, we all get emotional (ask me how I know!) a New Year will hopefully bring new opportunities and a fresh resolve. :) Blessing to you and yours x

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  17. Hugs. Having just recently moved I understand. We moved in October to Ohio from TN (hubby was out of work and now has a job here in OH).

    This will be our first Christmas holiday away from family. We just don't have the funds for travel this year.

    I can't answer your question about moving back. That's a decision you and your husband need to make. I am assured that whatever you two decide will be the right decision and we will all provide moral support.

    Being in a new city is tough. Starting over from scratch is tough. I know. doing that right now. All I can do is offer tons of hugs and empathy.

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  18. i am so sorry to hear that this is not the greatest experience for you....our family moves around a lot for my husbands work so i know how hard it is to learn to live in a new place over and over again...i hope that things start working out for you both.

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  19. I can relate to all this, and know what you're going through...we recently moved 4 months ago and are going through all the emotions you have stated.

    I'm sorry you have to go through this, it's no fun...but I do hope that you find a resolution to make your life easier and happier!

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  20. Terri, so sorry to hear the confusion and sadness in your writing. We once moved across the country to be closer to my family. We financed the whole thing and went without a job in the new city. 20 months into it, I was miserable, missed the west coast so much and realized that I was a much happier person where we started. We packed up, sold and financed our way back again (we call it our $40,000 experiment). No regrets, but I learned that I need to be where my heart sings, and it is definitely here on the west coast. Good luck to you all - like many others, my advice would be to not make any rash decisions until after the holidays. ♥

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  21. Terri, you need to pray and ask God for his guidance....pray hard for your answer...I am sure He will guide you..God Bless You..

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  22. I am sort of in the same shoes as you are. We moved away from our married children a couple of years ago and no matter how hard we try to rise above it, there is a void....There was a reason we moved here though, and we have experienced some wonderful things. There must be a reason you moved to California, have you accomplished what you set out to do? It is never easy being away from family and friends. I bet you will know what to do :)

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  23. Beautifoul blog, Congratulations!!!

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  24. Moving is not easy...we moved once for a job and then moved back to be somewhat closer to family several years later when our first child was born.

    My husband is in the IT industry and was looking for a new job for a time this year as his current co was not doing well. He finally recently just started a new position but while he was looking this fall he said from mid Nov until the first of the year no one really hires. So three months may seem like a while, but before you get too discouraged consider that so far at least a month of that has been during the holidays. January may be different?

    Best wishes for whichever road you choose...

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  25. We all need to vent now and then. Christmas season always brings out the "need for family" around us. That's what Skype is for. Hang tough....he'll get a good job, and you'll adjust and be happy.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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  26. Oh Terri, I am so sorry you are feeling this way! Whatever you decide we are here to support you. I would definitely settle in for the holidays and not even think about it until after the first of the year. Just try to settle into a wonderful holiday with your family and snuggle that sweet little girl twice as much as you normally would. I love you!!!!

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  27. Good luck! Hope all works out for you and your husband!
    Micki

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  28. Hey! Thinking of you and your family through this tough time. I hope that everything is going okay, and that you figure out a resolution soon. Definitely not a fun time of the year to be dealing with it.
    On the other hand, I hope that you and your family have a really happy and blessed Christmas! xx

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  29. That is tough. What ever you decide, you know there are people in Portland rooting for your happiness, wherever that may be! xoxoxo

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  30. Prayers for the right decision for you and your family Terri.

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