Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Far Far Away in Sew Fantastic Land........


Terri was sitting at her sewing machine (that's me ha ha) wondering what to make with the lovely far far away chapter two fabrics. When it came to her.... I gotta share these!!! So I decided to have a little last minute, unplanned giveaway. How does that sound?

I'm sure all you fabric lovers out there might enjoy a little free fabric every so often, am I right?

So here is how you can win this FQ bundle of 8 prints from the new line by Heather Ross, Far Far away chapter 2. this will be open to everyone (even my international fabric junkies)  ;)

Leave me a funny joke, or a funny story that's happened to you. It doesn't have to be recent just funny ;) I could really use a good laugh today to keep me in stitches ;)

Contest will end Friday 7/16

Good Luck

(don't worry your pretty little heads to much, the winner will be picked randomly)

COMMENTS ARE NOW CLOSED

120 comments:

  1. Shortly after getting married, I discovered that my hubby talks in his sleep. He's the best kind of sleep talker because he'll respond if you talk to him. So many funny stories have come from this. We were on our first visit home to my family and it was really exciting getting to sleep in the same room in my parents house. He went to bed, while I was up catching up with my parents until pretty late at night. I crawled into bed with him and he rolled over to face me. In his best come hither pick-up voice he said "What's your name?" I replied, Heather (which is my name). Disappointment washed over his sleeping face, he sighed, said Oh and rolled back over. I laughed so hard I almost fell out of bed and to this day "What's your name" can still make my whole family giggle.

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  2. Recently my four year old son has started constantly telling me that he loves me...and I have to respond immediately, and with the appropriate "I love you too"...or he gets upset...we were playing this game a few evenings ago, and I told him that daddy would probably like to hear that he loves him too....so he looks at my husband and says "I love you"...he responds "I love you too"..our son then says "I was talking to the couch"
    Needless to say I found it VERY humorous...hubby, not so much! :)

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  3. Not sure if I'm that funny of a person...but a kind of comical experience is my first metro ride out of Washington, DC. Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen that many people crammed into one place! It tickled my funny bone because I do NOT like being confined like that, but everyone else was used to it, no big deal. A girl in front of me was standing up, holding onto the bar and reading a book!

    Okay, so maybe not super funny, but I'd love to win that fabric. ;)

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  4. A long time ago (almost a previous life ago) I wanted to learn to water ski. Single, on the lake with a friend with a boat, a beautiful sunny day like today; when would there be a better time? So I tried and I got up and I was water skiing and so, so excited. Little did I know that when I went down, the top part of my two piece swimsuit went up around my neck!! Of course my supposed "friends" took a while to inform me! Embarrassing then, but now it's just funny.

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  6. One of the most embarassing things that happened to me at work was when I went into the ladies room and tried to open a stall door. There was a woman inside and she did not lock the door! She started screaming and yelling because when I pushed the door open it hit her head, and she kept going on and on. "Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you check to see if someone was in there first?" I ran and hid in another stall for about thirty minutes to make sure she was gone! Yikes!

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  7. DD was born when DS was 2. He was NOT happy, and has been plagued by the green eyed monster on and off for the last 3 years - we frequently hear him ask "Why Laura getting X?" One day Laura came into the room shouting 'waaaahhhhh!!!!!!' and James turned to his daddy and said 'Why I not getting any waaah?"

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  8. The recitation for my pre-calc class freshman year of college was taught by a grad student and English was definitely not her first language. Unfortunately for her, we had a lot of story problems that involved probability calculations, using different types of nuts as the subject of the probability calcs. Doubly unfortunate for the poor instructor was that she had difficulty saying "peanuts," which drove our 19-year-old immature selves to distraction (and lots of muffled giggles)...but it did keep us coming to class, just for a dose of entertainment (and help with homework)!

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  9. Here is a joke for you...

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
    "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.
    "And what do you deduce from that?"
    Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
    "Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"

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  10. My daughter seems to think she has "Scratchie-itis" because she itches so thats her word for it. She also says "booger" instead of "burger" I try to get her to say "I eat Burgers" and it really sounds like "I eat Boogers" its so funny...lol. I know mean horrible mother I am. :)

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  11. è così difficile far sorridere qualcun'altro soprattutto se non la lingua non ti aiuta... posso
    dirti che stamattina mi sono trovata per terra invece che sul letto, dal caldo avevo perso l'orientamento e allora spash... :-D un caro saluto dall'italia rosa
    goccedioceano2000(at)libero(dot)it
    blog creativo http://kreattiva.blogspot.com/

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  12. OMG--a long time ago in another life, I worked at the headquarters of a large corporation in downtown Atlanta. It had a lovely marble floored lobby. One day I was running late for work, so I was literally trying to run through the lobby wearing high heels. I slipped and fell, and slid what seemed like the length of a football field right through all those rush hour people, with my feet in the air and my dress over my head, exposing all my old lady underwear. I was so embarassed that I wanted to die. I was praying to my self that no one would see. Just then, two young men in three piece suits leaned over and asked me if I was ok, and if I needed help getting up. I never wore that dress to work again because I was afraid someone would remember it.

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  13. Well...I have a 3 year old who has been cracking me up lately. We went to a family wedding last weekend, and he got to spend a lot of time with his cousins Bo and Sam. On the (long) car ride home, he got a little whiney, and I asked what was the matter. He said, "I'm crying like a baby because I miss Bo and Sam."

    Kinda funny/kinda sad!

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  14. A few days ago I told my son (who is almost four) to clean up his room if he wanted to watch a movie. He disappeared into his room for a little while and then came out and told me he was done and was ready to watch something. Of course I went to check first and noticed that the door to his room was shut. I opened it up to see the mess that was his room and turned to him asking what's this? He gave me one of those "where on earth did this come from look?" and said "oh, i'm sorry mommy!". Then he proceeded to really clean it up. I thought it was hilarious that he would try to hide that at his age.....too funny!

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  15. I've enjoyed reading the funny stories of previous commenters - good for a giggle! I just heard this story from an Australian friend recently. She was telling me about her father and how he likes to try out all the new "lingo" he hears. He asked my friend what "muffin tops" were, and she explained about the unsightly bulges from the waist of too-tight trousers. He stored that piece of information away but obviously not quite correctly, because when they were next out and about, he nudged my friend and nodded in the direction of a particular passer-by: "Look at her scones!"

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  16. When my cousin Grace was 2 years old, she would talk to anyone she met. Once I was visiting her and her parents, and we went to the grocery store. Grace was running up to everyone she saw in the store, and would say, "Hello, I'm Grace, this is my friend Mama, this is my friend Papa, and this is my friend auntie (she called me auntie even though I was her cousin), nice to meet you!!"

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  17. It wasn't very funny - but I think it likely looked hilarious. I work downtown and walk a few blocks to my office. One morning it was storming so I set out with my umbrella. In the middle of the crosswalk of a 5 lane one-way street, my umbrella suddenly flips inside out and for some reason my instict was to spin around (yeah, I don't know). That didn't help so finally I gave it a good shake and it inverted itself back to shape, dumping all of the water it collected while inside out all over me. Fabulous. Then I realized I was still STANDING in the middle of the street. Embarrassing, for sure.

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  18. My first year in college I carpooled home with a friend. She drove her car (a large Ford Taurus- we called "the boat"). We were driving up the Highway 5 from San Diego at night and it started to rain. Hard. She flips on her wipers and we continue on. After a couple minutes, the wipers freak out and literally started wiping the passenger window and then get tangled together. All this while driving at least 65 miles per hour on a very busy freeway. My friend has a panic attack (as we were in the fast lane). She is screaming at me wondering what to do. So I had to lean out my window to make sure lanes were clear to get all the way over to get off the freeway. I still laugh about my friends screaming. After all that we decide to get a hotel for the night. I am in PJs and slippers. We are trying to find a hotel with an available room (there was some sort of occasion that weekend). So I am running into hotels and the last one I run into has these huge double doors with glass windows at the top. I ran in to check availability and the next thing my friend saw was me go from running to completely out of her sight. I had totally slipped (because of my wet slippers) and fallen on my butt right in front of the check in desk. My friend couldn't stop laughing. She was still laughing when I got back out to the car. That was a crazy night. :]

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  19. Okay, this is an embarrassing one, but hopefully it will solicit a giggle (b/c I stink at stories). When my hubby and I were still dating, he and my sister and I were in a surf-brand clothing shop just looking around. At the time a small version of little hankerchiefs specifically made for girlies to wear on their heads was popular. I was thinking about buying one and found one to try on. When I showed my sis she burst out laughing, drawing plenty of attention from my then boyfriend, and barely was able to spit out that I was wearing a bikini on my head. So lovely. Little triangles everywhere, how's a girl to know? ;)
    Thanks for the awesome giveaway, Terri!

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  20. Hmmm... My son is almost two, and he is learning how to doggy paddle and hold his breath under water. Last week, he went with his Daddy to Michigan (I stayed behind, too pregnant to fly!). They set up an inflatable kiddie pool, and filled it a bit extra, so it was up to almost his chest level. Knowing our son can not resist any chance to play with Legos, the hubby threw a couple in the bottom of the kiddie pool, to prompt Cullen to have to stick his face underwater to get them. Well, he did it once, picked up the lego, stood up and held it high above his head and said "I DID IT!" Everyone claps and cheers for him, proud of him... He then proceeded to hold it just under the surface of the water for a few seconds, look around to make sure everyone's eyes were on him, then lifted it quickly out of the water over his head again, shouting "I DID IT!" He proceeded to do this over and over again for about 5 minutes, and he truly thinks he had everyone fooled. It's probably a story much funnier with the video, though!

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  21. well this happened yesterday an i thinkits hilarious even though everyone i tell the story too just looks at me. we had run out of sugar so i popped into the local grocers which is run bgy very taciturn people who never crack a smile. i got my bag of sugar and walked up to pay. the man serving in the shop looked at it and said "sugar" i couldn't help it, i said " yes Sweetie" and cracked up. he just looked at me like i was mad ( which is pretty common!)

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  22. When I was a teenager I was at the mall and I ran into this guy that I was smitten with (I can't even remember his name now). I was trying to be really cool and casual as I talked to him and felt I'd left a brilliant impression. I didn't want to seem too keen so I casually said goodbye and as I walked off I wasn't looking where I was going and pretty much fell into a bin. I didn't hear from him again! Embarrassing then, funny now.

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  23. Well I will start with my stand by joke.

    An ion walks into a bar and says "bartender, I think i left my electron here last night". The bartender says "Really? Are you postiive?"

    And for a funny story. When my little brother was younger we were all sitting around the dinning room table and he starts bawling. We ask what was wrong and he says "I have an eye up my nose" Now he was young enough that he might he been getting his words confused but after some questioning it turns out that he had shoved a googly eye up his nose and it wouldnt come back out. We spent the rest of the night trying to get him to blow it out... it eventually worked.

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  24. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Date: Mon, 5 Jul 2010 05:08:06 -0700

    ,Boy, I'm rich!
    Silver in the Hair
    Gold in the Teeth
    Stones in the Kidneys
    Sugar in the Blood.
    Lead in the Feet.
    Iron in the Arteries
    And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

    I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth


    Hugs XX
    Barbara

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  25. How does Noah Fish?

    Very Carefully, He only has 2 worms :)

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  26. Just chuckling my way down the comment list. I'm gonna have to pop back in later!
    I am a terrible driver, my girlfriend and I were driving up in the hinterland and we pulled into a farm to pick up some avocados from their road side stall - there was a turning circle and my friend was like, "Novi, you're not going to make it" - "yeah I am" I confidently replied as I drove into the hedge! oopsi! The farmer was left scratching his head in bewilderment, we were crying with giggles! We grabbed some avos, chucked our money in the honesty box and made a hasty exit with an aerial covered in greenery! (no damage to hedge, car or peoples btw ;))

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  27. Maybe you've listened before, But I found it very funny. Here you have my english joke:

    Two factory workers are talking.
    The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
    The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
    The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
    The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
    The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
    The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
    The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
    The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

    Je, je I told you it was fun! :D

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  28. Why are Pirates called Pirates - because they arrrrrrh

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  29. Q: What do A's and flowers have in common?
    A: They both have B's (bees) that come after them!

    I am easily entertained.

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  30. I hope this is a random drawing, because I don't think I can compete in a hilarity contest. The funniest thing I can think of at the moment is when my nephew (4) and niece (6) were watching a cartoon that featured a naughty squirrel. Exhibiting the fact that they are truly children of my avid-hunter brother, my nephew said, "Someone really needs to shoot that squirrel," to which the niece added, "Yeah, and they'll need a shotgun."

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  31. Here's a joke from my 13 yr old
    How do you wake up Lady GaGa?
    You poker face.

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  32. My daughter's favorite joke...

    What do you call a pig that does karate?

    A pork CHOP!

    And imagine a little one doing the hand motions with it;)

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  33. Well, I've heard a lot of good jokes, but I when I need it, I can never remember one to save my life! One that comes to mind, is a really dumb one that my brother-in-law loves to repeat.

    "Two women sat on a park bench quietly minding their own business" (insert uproarous laughter from the guys)

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  34. A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says, “OK, now what?”
    amyf

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  35. Oh, I would love that fabric!!!!

    The last time I went to a bar (I don't go out often - pesky kids and all that) I had a couple of beers and was feeling a little giddy (I'm a cheap date). so I go to the bathroom and go to wash my hands and the faucet sprays water everywhere, so I turn to avoid it, but it sprays all over my butt and I spend the rest of the night looking like I'd peed myself. Which everyone else thought was hilarious.

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  36. I'm terrible at remembering jokes when I need one, but I always laugh at this:

    Two guys were taking a walk when they came across an old mine shaft. Wanting to see how deep it was, they threw in a rock. They didn't hear anything, so they threw in a bigger rock. Still nothing. They were about to go on their way when they spotted a railroad tie a short distance off. The two guys each took an end and lugged it over to the mine shaft where they heaved it in. They were standing there, waiting for the sound of it landing, when a goat comes running and jumps in between them into the mine shaft. The two guys look at each other in astonishment and finally turn to go on their way when a third guy comes up.
    "Hey, have you guys seen a goat around here?"
    "Yeah," one of the two replies, still a bit shocked, "It jumped into that mine shaft!"
    "Oh, that couldn't have been my goat. Mine was tied to a railroad tie."

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  37. Knock Knock (Who's there?)
    Norma Lee (Norma Lee who?)
    Normally I'm not good at telling jokes.

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  38. My daughter in law was at a Sunday school get together with the guys in one room and the gals in another. The gals were talking about bad resturant experiences. She was telling about having to send an order back in this certain well known chain. Everytime she said the name of the chain they would giggle. On about the third time she said the name they started roaring with laughter. The guys soon came over to see what was so funny. Seems that she was reversing some of the letters in the name of the chain. Even after she realized what she was doing no matter how hard she tried she still said it wrong. The name of the chain Fuddruckers. She was reversing the f and the first r.......

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  39. When I was very pregnant with my first daughter, I went to the mall and bought one of those car seat covers from Pottery Barn kids. I wasn't sure if I was really sold on it so I decided to hop in the backseat of my very small Jetta right then and there in the parking lot.

    When I'd decided I indeed did not like the cover, I went to open the car door only to realize I had the child lock feature activated; the only way to get the door open was from the outside.

    And because the seat was already installed in the middle of the backseat and I was very pregnant, I couldn't climb into the front seat.

    I was trapped in my car in a busy mall parking lot with a big SUV sitting there behind me with it's blinker on waiting for my spot.

    One very humiliating phone call to my husband later and some creative problem solving and body contortion, I freed myself. And I'll never live it down.

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  40. This should be easy since I have a 3 year old that constantly says things to embarrass me. LOL

    One of my favorites...when she was 2 she used to always say she smelled something even when she didn't. It like she had just discovered smelling or something.

    So the cable guy comes in our house to install everything after we move in. And immediately she is standing right by him and starts sniffing.

    Sniff sniff....sniff sniff
    "What's that smell? MOMMY, What's that smell??!!"

    Yep, so embarrassing.

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  41. Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Madame
    Madame who?
    Madame foot's caught in the door!

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  42. Here's a joke that my kid brother likes to repeat: Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight(ate) nine!

    And here's a funny story: My family recently went to visit my grandmother in the hospital. My brother-in-law was carrying my nephew and my dad asks him if he will need the diaper bag. His famous last words "No, we'll only be there for a few minutes." When we get off the elevator on the fifth floor, I hear my brother-in-law groan "argh". We look back and my nephew has started leaking poop out of his diaper!

    Thanks for the giveaway!

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  43. Well the first time my boyfriend met my grandfather we were staying at his home for a few days as a vacation. While out visiting Grampy got a flat. My boyfriend changed the tire and got some grease on his new pants! (Oh dear!) I quickly washed them and got it out. I opened the dryer and threw the pants in and turned it on.

    Next thing I knew I heard this klunk, klunk, klunk and I rushed in to see what the heck happened. I opened the door and hauled out the pants to find a carrot in the pocket and cabbage all over them!

    My Step-Grandmother ran out of room in her fridge and put the leftovers in the dryer because it was spring and the cool air would be fine. I thought we were all going to pee in our pants! I had serious worries that my grandfather was going to have a heart-attack he laughed that hard! I think it's one of the best memories I have with him!

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  44. What a great giveaway . . . and here I am drawing a blank on anything funny . ..

    When I was in college we had a young, female, first year professor tell us once that teaching is made more difficult for her by the "performance aspect," that you have to, in essence, entertain a classroom full of students for a few hours so sometimes you feel like a dancing monkey. As she is confessing this to us, an upper classman (male) yells out from the back of the room "dance, monkey, dance." I have never seen anyone turn as bright red as that poor prof.

    And for a stupid joke . . . a three-legged dog walks into a bar and says "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

    Hardy, har, har.

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  45. ohh, the pressure. I am no comedian - I probably never will be, but I have a very embarrasing story that makes my husband laugh to this day.

    I was at my sons preschool openhouse. A chance for the kids to show their parents all the wonderful things they had made during the year. It was jam packed, and there were a lot of parents and a lot of kids there.

    My son was sitting beside his best friend "doug", and my "husband" was leaning over talking to the boys.

    I decided to walk over and say hi after chatting with some of the other moms, and when I did, I gently rubbed the rear end of that nice man I "thought" was my husband. It turns out it was actually doug's dad, not my husband.

    YIKES!!! Can we say 7 shades of red, and never being able to look into his eyes without being embarrassed ever again???

    I love your giveaway fabrics, and I am sure you are going to find a chuckle or two in your comments. I have seen some great stories so far!!

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  46. There is a night flight that has just taken off.
    As the stewardesses begin to deliver meal trays an attractive blonde walks up from economy to first class and sits down.

    Stewardess: May I see your first class ticket please?

    blonde: I don't have one. I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm flying first class to Houston.

    Dumbfounded the stewardess goes to the front cabin to speak with the pilots.
    After sharing her story the co-pilot says he'll approach her.

    Co-pilot: Ma'am I understand you do not have a first class ticket for this flight...?

    Blonde: I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm flying first class to Houston.

    speachless, the co-pilot makes his way back to the cabin and exclaims in exasperation
    "She's blonde, she's beautiful and she's flying first class to Houston!"

    the pilot asks the co-pilot to take over and says he'll deal with it.
    the now nosy stewardesses follow him wide-eyed waiting for a scene.
    But the pilot only leans down, and gently whispered something in the blonde's ear.

    She immediately stood and retired to her original seat in economy. No questions asked.

    the pilot returned to the cabin, stewardesses, bewildered, wagging thier tongues behind him...

    stewardess: what did you say to her to make her go back to her seat??

    Pilot: Oh. I just told her first class wasn't flying to Houston.

    I love a good blonde joke!!

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  47. Why did the ape run around with an egg on his head? He thought he was a griller (gorilla)...yeah I know...groan...but it is a joke from my childhood!

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  48. This is one my DH told me........

    A Polar Bear walks into a bar and squares up to the barman. "I'll have a whisky and coke ............ and some peanuts" said the Polar Bear, in a gruff voice.
    To which the bartender replied, "Why the big paws"???

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  49. What a lovely giveaway! I am going to share a funny text message I received from my significant other. I have a pet rabbit, so to me this is pretty funny! :)

    "There are two rabbits fighting in my back yard. Not much of a "fight" though. One spent 5 mins taking a bath and the other one just waited for him to finish."

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  50. I have a hilarous story about my then 6-yo son. He loves chicken nuggets, would sustain himself only on those if I let him...anyhow...one morning on the way to school he said, "it is cold enough to freeze my nuggets off!" Biting my lip not to laugh, because really what else could I do, I asked where he had heard that and did he know what nuggest were? He ponders for a moment and then points to his privates. Yup, that is what you are talking about, so lets not say this out in public ok? "Ok." He was quiet for a while, then pipes up "mom what are chicken nuggets made of?" He was rather horrified at the thought of his yummy chicken nuggets being something other than chicken! LOL

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  51. Well, I'm turning 52 years old today...Ha-Ha? Ok, not funny but last week my 84 year old aunt called me and sang happy birthday all the way through on the phone. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was the wrong day. Thanks for the chance at such cute fabric. Your blog is wonderful!

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  52. My son is 5 and he is always saying something that makes us all crack up. Recently we went camping and had all the making for smores. He was all excited for smores and yelled out his order, "Mom I want a Smore with no marshmellow or graham cracker...and NOT Toasted!"

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  53. Last weekend at my brother's birthday party, my 3 year old nephew kept running behind this movie screen that was lowered down from the ceiling. I started reaching under the screen and poking and grabbing him as he ran by. He must have liked it, because when I stopped he ran out and yelled, "touch me!" HA! Greeeaaaaat!

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  54. I keep looking at the screen wishing I was funny ;-)you could smash a pie in my face if I won.. that would be pretty funny ;-) xoxo

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  55. Okay, so here's a funny story: I like to sew myself skirts, so I had made myself a really pretty brown skirt. The thing is that for some reason I didn't feel like putting a hook and eye at the top of the zipper. So, after work I was walking into the grocery store and I felt a breezy feeling by my ankles - it was my skirt! Yep, the zipper came open and my skirt fell off. Thank goodness I was wearing a slip! An older lady was just getting out of her car and she was laughing so hard at me! I was laughing too :)

    Moral of the story: never skip a step that might keep your clothes from falling off!

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  56. Funniest story from a friend is when her daughter was only a couple years old and was playing quitely by herself. Probably too quietly. Mom goes in to check on her only to find that she is covered head to toe in Vaseline. She had to give her multiple baths to try to get it out of her hair and all the little crevices that only Vaseline could find. It still makes me laugh just thinking about it:)

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  57. What was the American revolutionary's favorite Italian dish?

    Wait for it. . . .Chicken Catch-a-Tory.

    Made that up all by myself. He-he.

    Su-sieee! Mac
    This and That. Here and There. Now, Sometimes Then.

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  58. Thank you for this surprise giveaway. My mother is about 80, petite, and white-haired and wears a bandana "do rag" when working in the yard to keep the sweat out of her eyes. When dropped off for babysitting, my little grandniece looked at my mother and said in a very very serious voice, "Grandma, are you a piiie-wrate?" It was all we could do to not LOL. mlwright29 (at) hotmail (dot) com

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  59. Okay.... a gal is sitting at the bar enjoying her drink and she suddenly hears' "Hi beautiful." She looks around and sees no one. A short while later she hears, "Your hair is gorgeous." Again she looks around and still there is no one. A third time she hears yet another, "Your legs are lovely'. Completely irritated, she calls the bartender over and tells him the situation. He replys, "Oh those are the COMPLIMENTARY peanuts.

    Love the giveaway!

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  60. here's something my boyfriend told me that i found funny. his family owns a chinese restaurant, and they serve a dish called szechuan chicken. szechuan is a province in china that's famous for producing a very spicy and mouth numbing chilli pepper. my boyfriend worked as a waiter in the restaurant, and he would regularly have people trying to order "saskatchewan chicken". and he would say to them, i don't think what you'll get is what you have in mind..since saskatchewan is a province in canada.

    thanks for hosting the giveaway. the fabrics are so pretty.

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  61. It's a really hot day and a farmer is walking over to his damm to have a swim when he starts to hear voices coming from the water. He walks very quietly towards the sound and sees a trail of ladies clothing leading towards the water. He steps up the bank and sees 3 ladies swimming in his damm and the instantly see him and shriek in shock as they are skinny dipping without permission in this man's damm. They swim very quickly over to the other side of the damm and shout out that they are not coming out until he goes away!!!
    "That's alright girls" says the farmer.
    "I just came to feed the crocodiles!!!!"
    .......

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  62. Where did Napoleon keep his armies?


    In his sleevies.

    :)
    Jennifer
    jennifereladd at yahoo dot com

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  63. Not maybe hysterical ,but it will do I hope:) My son whom is 2 1/2 decided recently that he likes the game "I got your nose!" So my hubby has expanded his "choices" by saying "I got your cheek or I got your stomach or whatever else. Then my son will go "Spit it out!!" If you don't do it right away he will instantly pout and almost be in tears. If you spit it out right away he will laugh nonstop:P Then he will do it ALL OVER again!!! We did this all the way back from FL last Friday *fun times*. You are so thoughtful to be sitting there staring at your fabric and thinking of the blog world out there who would die for some!! I wouldn't share----------well--just maybe I would;)

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  64. The other night I was reading a bedtime story to the kids and my two year old looked out the window and saw fireflies. He said look mommy fireworks.
    thanks for the chance I would so love to win.
    lbroadstreet@tds.net

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  65. Not that long ago my 15-month old was rebelling against her cloth diapers. For whatever reason she would undo the velcro tabs, often times on both sides. I decided if she didn't want to wear a diaper, fine, don't wear a diaper. So, I took it off. This is my first child, but I knew what I was getting myself into. She ran around the house for a few minutes totally naked and loving it. She had turned the corner where I couldn't see her and got very quiet. This can't be good. I turned the corner just in time to see her hand inching closer to her face with a big poop in it! My sudden "Noooooo!" scared the poop right out of her hand and on to the floor. She gave me a look that said "Mom, I really have no idea what the big deal is." After I cleaned up we both had a good laugh.

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  66. the big joke would be if I actually won the giveaway. I posted a longer comment, but blogger ate it. thanks for the chance.

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  67. My old roommate, a high school teacher, found a bag of some "questionable substance" in her classroom. She brought it to the campus cop who said, "This is marijuana." Her classic response was, "Oh. I thought it was weed." She was quite a naive person, needless to say!

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  68. Oh the stories I could tell. But I might get banned from the internet, and that would be bad.

    For a real funny go to my blog post http://artbygene.blogspot.com/2010/07/semi-silly-post-tim-tam.html and watch the video.
    This may be my most embarrassing moment, and I was silly enough to post it for the world to see.

    ReplyDelete
  69. My two year old daughter likes to imitate her four year old brother and he just started telling jokes. Her "joke" goes like this:
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Blue!
    Blue who?
    Lotsa lotsa colors!

    And then she cracks up. Needless to say, she doesn't *quite* grasp the concept of the knock knock joke, but it is pretty funny to watch her get all hysterical at her "joke."

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  70. My two year old thinks it is so cool to tell you all about her poop... Mom (yea she now calls me MOM!) look I made a BIG momma poo poo and a baby one and a MACARONI too. The little ones are macaronis. Yep. For real! That is what I have to hear about during the day... and then never think about macaroni the same way!

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  71. One day I was out running errands with my Mom for several hours and than after dropping her off went back to another store alone. After coming out of the store I loaded my bags into the trunk and than got in the car. After several minutes of rearranging things back into place in my purse I looked up and realized I was sitting in the front passenger seat, apparently waiting to be driven! lol, I couldn't stop laughing the whole way home! =)

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  72. This is not perticularly funny but it made me smile...
    Colin kept wandering off and repeatedly told him he had to stay where I could see him. He started to wonder off agian so I called out his name, he was quite, I started to worry. Then he pops his head out from around the corner and says "Boo!!" I couldn't help but laugh which didn't help me in teaching him to stay where I could see him :)

    Great giveaway thanks for the chance to win..keep your sew on :)

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  73. My dog does this thing where he runs around like a chicken with his head cut off when he comes inside after it's been raining out. It's like he tries to run so fast that his fur will dry! :) Silly guy.

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  74. Not so funny so much as amusing...I was trying to sew today and every time I turned around my cat was laying on my project! This happened at least 5 different times. I documented every single time for Flickr. ;)

    Thanks for the chance to win!! rebeccajoypowers@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  75. Well...truly I have a few doozies but there isn't time or space to do them justice so I'm going with a couple kid stories. When I was pregnant with my daughter my son was 5. I had a very big belly and.... so did a nice man named Scott at church. So one day at church while my husband was chatting with Scott (my son and I were quietly waiting) my son gently lays his had on Scotts round belly says to Scott," Are you having twinns? You belly is bigger than my Mommy's!" Then ever so sweetly...he lay his ear next to Scott's shirt and said," Boy, I can hear them in there and they are very loud!"
    Needless to say, I wanted the floor to swallow me up!! Scott was great about it and just smiled, patted my son's head and laughed it off.
    The next one happened in a dressingroom at Target after Halloween. They had costumes on sale 90% off so I grabbed a few thinking I'd get one for my son for next year and for him to play pretend in. One of them was Winnie the Pooh.(I should say now that he was potty training and I often asked him if he need to go) I asked him if he'd like to try on the POOH BEAR costume. My son miss heard me.

    So he looked at me and said " Poop Where? Poop Where?I don't have to poop!"

    To that I replied, " No, POOH BEAR."

    Again a worried look. " Poop where?" he said.

    "I don't have to poop!"

    Then out of utter desperation he stuck his head under the dressing room door next to us and says to the lady in there," Do you have to poop?"
    Like maybe he thought I was talking to her! The whole thing happened so fast and she had heard it all that she just burst out laughing...I did too and my poor boy was so confused.
    He finally did try on the Pooh Bear costume but sadly it didn't fit.
    Around our house tho if someone isn't sure what you've said or they think they have miss heard you they will say "Pooh Bear?" and you just know they didn't hear you clearly and you need to repeat yourself! LOL!
    My son is now 17. I miss those days!
    Thanks for a chance to enter. I hope I win...my birthday is July 16!

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  76. There was another giveaway also asking to post a joke. This is the same thing I posted there as well, because it made me laugh so much the first time I read it a long time ago!

    here goes;

    Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

    The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

    The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

    The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

    Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

    The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

    The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "what happened?"

    The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time."

    "GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"

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  77. Yesterday I was at work and received a text message containing a photo and a caption from my husband "super girl strikes again!"
    Our 3yo daughter had tied a cape around her shoulders and instead of putting underpants on the outside of her clothing, she'd pulled them over her head using the leg holes for eye holes. I almost pee'd my pants seeing that picture.

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  78. This is a story from when my sister was little. My mother took her with her into the stall in a department store washroom. My sister (who was about 3 at the time) slithered into the next stall before my mother could grab her. Regrettably the stall was occupied by a woman who was furious. My sister then asked the woman (in a booming voice) "Do you wipe your own bum or does your mommy do it for you?". Awkward, non? The best part - the lady huffed out in a hurry and my sister hollered (into the middle of the busy department store) "Hey laaaaady! You forgot to wash your hands!".

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  79. This is the one and only joke I know and I learned it in 4th grade. (You'd think I would get some new material!)

    What did the baby banana say to its mother?

    "I don't peel good."


    Doesn't it just make you go "ahhh"? Thanks for the chance at a great giveaway...so sweet!

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  80. hye can i have your colourful giveaway...
    i hope soo

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  81. Quilt joke:
    Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
    The daughter answered,
    'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.'
    Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
    Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
    He said,
    'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'

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  82. You are too kind! What a lovely giveaway.
    Last week, my 11 year old daughter announced that poutine was her favourite food. Really? I replied, have you ever eaten it? No, she said, but it's made of french fries, which I LOVE, gravy, which I LOVE and even though I've never eaten them, I think I'd really like the melted Cheese Turds.
    After I changed my undies, I let her know that the rest of Canada calls them Cheese Curds. If you didn't know what Poutine was at the start of this comment, you do now! Thanks for the giveaway!

    ReplyDelete
  83. My 2 year old grandaughter's ballet teacher in named Heather. My grandaugher thinks everything is magical and princess/like.
    She calls her Feather instead of Heather!

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  84. Why are E.T.'s eyes so big?
    Because he saw his phone bill.

    Why aren't there any Wal*Marts in Afghanistan?
    Because there's a Target on every corner!

    What do you call an oyster that keeps it pearl?
    SHELLFISH!

    Great giveaway!

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  85. Oh boy ...too much competition for me. Either that or it's too early and my brain hasn't booted up yet!!

    Great stories here and a nice way to start the day laughing :)

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  86. My terrible joke-

    What's green and points north?
    A magnetic cucumber.

    I thank you :D

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  87. every day here is a joke! I mean in the kindest sort of way. with three boys, we have all kinds of burping contests, fart noise making machinges, practical jokes.......it never ends.

    which is why I love my life and my children mean the world to me!

    what a thoughtful giftaway! thanks for the chance to win!

    stitches to you today!

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  88. My funny story didn't happen to me but it did happen to my husband and involved my cat so I'll claim credit for it. After a long, stressful day at work my husband wanted to take a nice, relaxing bath to de-stress. He took the time to clean the tub first and he'd just climbed in when my cat jumped up onto the edge of the tub and immediately puked right onto him. There were no warning signs (not to gross any of you out who don't have cats but there's usually a great deal of regurgitation noises first which gives you enough warning to point the cat in a good direction) and immediately after she did her business she hopped off the edge and sauntered out of the room. Only a cat could be so uncaring and act so entitled. Do I need to even mention that this is our spoiled princess cat? Needless to say this did nothing to help make my husband's day less stressful.

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  89. My 5 yr old granddaughter was going shopping with her other grandmother and some friends the other day. She asked if it was okay if she wore her jewelry. She put on her necklace, her bracelet and her tiara!--she is truly a princess :D

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  90. When we got our kitten, Ellie, she was 8 weeks old and small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. She missed her mama and her brothers terribly, and cried all the time--would cry herself to sleep, even, unless she was being held. So I carried her around the house in a sling for the first couple of weeks to try and comfort her. Sick, I know.

    However, as she grew up a little, she decided that my husband was her favorite person. EVER. She rides around on his shoulder like a parrot, snuggles with him at night, and no other human exists. Including me. Ungrateful, right? She loves me, but only if he's nowhere in sight. So imagine her chagrin when she was all snuggled up with me the other afternoon and my husband came into the room. She gave him this guilty look like "Busted!" and shot out the door to hide from us both. My husband and I looked at each other and cracked up.

    Such a clown.

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  91. I have a church story too. At our church we dismiss kids from the service to go to children's church during the offering time. One Sunday we are sitting in church and we came to this place in the service. Very loudly a child toward the back of the service yells "Mom, why do we always have to PAY to get out of here?"

    Thanks for the chance to win. I have really enjoyed reading the stories!

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  92. So I was sitting watching TV after the kids had gone to bed. My husband had run out to the store, so it was just me and the dog. I heard a strange noise, and so did the dog. I couldn't figure out where it came from, but it came again, and again. I thought someone was in our yard and I got all freaked out. The dog was whining like someone was there. I got up and looked out all the windows, couldn't see anything, went to look out the front window, then figured out what the noise was... a thomas the train toy whose batteries were dying and it was malfunctioning. Jeez...

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  93. When my middle daughter was young around 3 or 4,my grandmother was well in her nineties, she had the softest skin and a great sense of humor.
    one day she came to visit and dear daughter told her you don't have to go out like that my mom can iron those wrinkles right out.

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  94. This morning my 17 month old looked at my 5 month old and said, "Let's talk...ok?" I started cracking up and they both thought it was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Hmmm, I can't think of any good stories right now but here is a dumb joke...
    A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

    A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

    As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

    To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

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  96. One of my fav's....
    Why does a Chicken Coop always have 2 doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

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  97. My house was recently broken into (ok, yes, it gets funnier and they really didn't steal anything) and my labrador followed the burglar around trying to get petted. How do I know this? We have a camera system and have him on tape following the guy around being the world's friendliest "guard dog."

    "Hello, robber! Let me show you where they keep the jewelry!"

    I plan on posting it on youtube once I get my tape back from the police!

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  98. Spider!

    Seriously--this story involves a giant spider, a very pregnant me, a toddler, my car, and a ride in a firetruck. Need I say more?

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  99. You will have to envision the following joke being told by an adorable 4 year old girl obsessed with knock-knock jokes and recently being encouraged to create her own after having exhausted the library's supply of age-appropriate joke books.

    Knock, knock!
    Who's there?
    *slight pause in which girl is hardly containing laughter*
    A cow and a muffin mix!
    *girl starts rolling around on the floor holding her sides and laughing uncontrollably*

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  100. My daughter was two and not the best talker. My brother Jesse was a 16 year old teenager with big curly hair. One day at Christmas time she was flipping through a coffee table book of art and found a statue of David. She kept looking and looking, and she finally pointed at this naked statue and said "Jesse de poo poos!" aka Naked Jesse. Jesse turned red with shame, and we couldn't stop laughing.

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  101. Okay...so one day about 10 years ago I was in a store....in a fairly new outfit, I had worn it before. Feeling pretty good...strutting my stuff....like eveyone look at me...I look great...(not really)...but when I got home and took off the clothes, there was my pantyhose...no, I didn't have any on...but they caused a big buldge in the back of my pants....I was so embarassed when I found this out.

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  102. This is admittedly not my story but my friend's. You know her child is the child of a professor when, by age 2.5, he would ask -- his preschool friends, parents, anyone -- "but what do you mean by [word]?" It became his tactic for avoiding anything he didn't want to do.

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  103. I'm not so good at telling jokes, I almost always get them out of order and telling the punch line before the end....so here's a short story. At ages five and three, my daughter and son were discussing what they wanted to be. After some some expected jobs like teacher, trashman, and doctor, my son said, "Ghostbuster" (that dates me now doesn't it?). My daughter replied, "Well, I want to be a star". Not to be outdone, my son said and remember he's three, "I want to be a circle."

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  104. The other night we had some friends over for games. They put their baby down in our room to sleep. When my husband had walked them to the door, I went in the bedroom and began undressing for a shower. I noticed they left behind a baby blanket and heard my husband's footsteps coming back towards our room. I came out, "Quick they left.." It wasn't my husband. I was in my underwear.

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  105. Nothing funny ever happens to me. My life is boooorrring! I would, however, love to win the giveaway!

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  106. I just cannot think of a funny story today. Boo hoo. I am sick and my dog got hurt, it's cold out and I don't even have the energy to sew anything. I've enjoyed reading all the stories though.

    ReplyDelete
  107. Ok, this is one of my husband's favorite jokes. I don't know how well it works in print but here goes...
    A guy walks into a bar
    OUCH!

    2 guys walk into a bar
    You think the 2nd one would have seen it coming!

    Here's another one for you:
    A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says "Hey we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says "You have a drink called Hal?"

    Badum bum (that's my snare drum)

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  108. I am so proud of myself! I can still wear the same earrings I wore in High school!

    I know my treadmill works well, I throw my clothes on it and before you know it, they are a whole size smaller!

    Thanks for the great laughs! PiecefulDays.SquareSpace.com

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  109. Ok. My husband and I were driving my the movie theater and he says, "Oh. I've been wanting to see The Last Hairbender."

    And I then say, "You want to see a movie about hair curlers??"

    He didn't get it but I sure did. I thought I was so funny.

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  110. One of my co-workers & I would call each other Lucy & Ethel, after I Love Lucy, because we were always doing stupid things and/or getting into scrapes. One day, I somehow locked myself in the bathroom at work. I tried various methods to get the door unlocked to no avail. I started to get a little panicky, but was still too embarrassed to yell loudly for help. So I knocked quietly a few times, but still no one came to open the door. I started knocking louder & louder until I heard my co-worker's voice on the other side of the door. She tried to get the door open but couldn't & I started to think they were going to have to take the door off the hinges or something to get me out. Finally I hear her yell, "Stand back. I'm going to put my hip into it!" So I go to the back of the bathroom. She bangs into the door with her hip, & finally it opened up! We almost fell over each other laughing about it. I was definitely Lucy that day. :-D

    Thanks for the chance to win!

    figure8angel[AT]gmail[DOT]com

    ReplyDelete
  111. My mother and 4 year old daughter were going through my daughters art things the other night. My mother came across a bag of markers and asked her what they were. My daughter responded oh, that's just politics Nanny. Now where in the world that came from, I don't know but she is forever coming up with some hilarious little comment. For example last year we we're driving and she blurts out "I told meself I'm a great woman" she was 3 at the time.
    Thanks for the fun giveaway!

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  112. so little johnny was talking to his friends before school one day and he was telling them about how his 2 dogs were running around the back yard, and one stopped short before going off a small cliff that headed down to the pond...but the other dog didn't stop in time and hit him in the butt and they both tumbled down the side of the hill....a teachers aide over heard and stopped Johnny to correct his language..., "Johnny, we don't say butt, we say rectum" and Johnny said to the teacher, "Rectum, he nearly killed him!!"

    ReplyDelete
  113. Terri,
    I am not very good at remembering funny stories or jokes but I did post a link to your current giveaway.
    I don't know if you will find this funny but we have a little schnoodle dog who is a diva except in a thunder storm or rain or wind (summer weather is a bit of a challenge for her). We found her sleeping between my husband's two pillows and did not understand why he would not let her stay there! She has a docked tail that wags the beat of a fast windshield wiper especially when she thinks she is in trouble...

    I am a kindergarten teacher in my professional life and one day last fall one of my little boys wanted to know which "hooker" was his( he was looking for his coat hook for his belongings)...

    You can find a link to your post here:
    http://quiltmomsjourney.blogspot.com/

    Regards from Western Canada,
    Anna

    PS. I am off to become one of your followers.

    ReplyDelete
  114. I was in Sam's this week with my 9 month old grandbaby....she is gorgeous and perfect of course but seems to have inherited my long toes...a sweet little guy around 7 was chatting with me about the baby ... so polite .... when all of sudden his eyes got big and he said "I've never seen baby toes like that in my whole life" LOL I about choked laughing....thank goodness baby Jesslyn just thought we were being funny

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  115. The other day a squirrel was teasing our dog, and my daughter decided to check the wild creature out. First she was able to touch it, then she petted it, next she was able to gently hold it. Wow! We were amazed and then the squirrel skittered up her arm on top of her head and that is when she screamed! The poor squirrel, frightened out of it's wits, became a flying squirrel and jumped twenty feet to the ground, climbed our crab apple tree and stayed there frozen and stunned for over an hour! We have not seen it return... but I might buy some peanuts in the shell...

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  116. I was out the other day and I saw a woman sitting in a lawn chair in the middle of a parking lot reading a novel. It was so funny on fact that I had to stop and take a picture to send to my husband!

    ReplyDelete
  117. Great give away!!!

    When my youngest daughter was learning to drive, she would REFUSE to allow me in the car with her. She didn't like driving anyway, but she said that I made her nervous (even just sitting there quietly)
    The ONE time I have been in the car with her, her father sat up front, and I had to sit ALLLLL the way in the very back of the van, and LAY DOWN so that she couldn't see me!! It was the only way she could drive. And even then she didn't like it! :)

    (I still don't go in the car with her!)

    SheilaC

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  118. So I have this things with jokes where I can only ever remember the very last joke I heard. So here it is (I think I read this on a blog somewhere, actually!):

    Two muffins in an oven. One muffin says, “It’s hot in here.” The other muffin says, “Ahhhhhhh! Talking muffin!”

    Happy Friday!

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  119. Several years ago when we used to live on the beach in N. California my husbands nephew and my younger brother came to stay for a visit. In anticipation of them coming we bought some boogie boards, a skim board and lots of other beach must haves for young teenagers. My husband is the type of person that has the natural ability to pick up any physical sport in 5 minutes. Well, being the "man" he showed the boys how to surf, boogie board and then attempted to show them how to skim board.

    I will never forget his first and last attempt at skim boarding. I just remember sitting on the beach, watching him throw the board into the shallow water.....jump on the board....the board stopped instantly....and seeing my 6'3" husband in the air ....with his feet over his head....and then BOOM - he was laid out flat in the sand! Although the wind was knocked out of him and his butt hurt for a few days it was one of the funniest things I ever saw.

    Whenever I'm having a rough day I just think back to that moment "Mr. I can do it all" was in the air with his feet over his head!

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  120. Fun Terri!

    Okay. So before Violet was born I started swelling. I mean really swelling. My doctor had a fear that I may have had high blood pressure. After running lots of tests he was confident that I was just retaining water. Lots of water.

    Let's just say every appt after that my feet and ankles were referred to as Fred Flintstone feet.

    Not funny at the time, but gives me a good chuckle to think about it now.

    ReplyDelete